I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
