I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
