Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
