I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
