I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
