The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
