Ambien. No doubt about it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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