I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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