and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
