I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
