I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am one with the molecules
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
