Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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