the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
