my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
