I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
do nipples grow back?
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