I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
