she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
