mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
