and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You're earring is so big in my mouth
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
