please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
