Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize