Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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