just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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