I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
