There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
