So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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