I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
being pregnant is like rehab
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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