The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
