i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
