I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize