Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
