I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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