Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
