About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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