you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
