I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
