i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
