Non-Jews are for practice
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
