she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
