Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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