I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
