Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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