FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
