Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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