You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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