I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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