I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
