im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
