I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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