It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
