mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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