Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
