Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
