turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
