My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
