i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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