i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
