OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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