I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
