my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
