guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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