The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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