So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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