Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
