I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
