He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
