wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
