Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
