i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
