Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
