I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
