my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
