I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
