did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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