I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
